Posts

Frayed Edges

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Eight events in the next six months. And they all require a significant amount of funding and planning and getting yourself togethering. It’s like I can’t really think. I feel like I’m driving in white out. Without my eyes to help me I’m making judgements based on gut feelings and guesses. But because I’m driving at the rate of time and not of whatever speed I’m comfortable the hance for error is high. I’m hurtling down the road blind. It’s kind of a big part of who I am. Probably not a good part? But I just seem to be unable to limit ideas when they come...or produce them when they don’t come. So I end up with eight things in six months and then a dry spell. I hope there’s a dry spell after this. I don’t have a congruent thought for this post. I confess. I’ve been trying to keep track of the date and day of the week and if we have enough formula. And with everything else shouting and crowding into my head, honestly, I’ve spent weeks trying to come up with something I could write a...
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Resolve

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It’s that time of year again. Once the presents are opened and carols no longer play from car radios, it becomes time to think of the New Year. And, of course, new year resolutions. For the past few years when people have inquired what my New Years resolution is, I’ve said that I don’t make resolutions. Nope, I say, people rarely stick to their resolutions and I should be allowed to make a change for the better whenever I want - the first of our calendar year holds no magic. But, in hindsight, this is kind of cynical. I mean, the new year does bring a certain level of renewed hope and promise with it (and hope is, I think, the closest thing we have to magic). So with the turning of a page, why not resolve to carve a better person of yourself? So this year I resolve. I resolve to choose kindness before jumping to mistrust or judgement. I resolve to look for the good in this world instead of allowing myself to become bogged down with the darker parts of this life.  I resolve t...
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Holidays

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So I promise this isn't an excuse. I mean...if you asked me for an excuse this would be it....but I'm not writing this for that purpose... Holidays. It seems that every year from October 31 to January 31 business and hurry go off the charts. Every Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday is filled to the brim with activities. We drive more miles than we have all year and we spend more money that we ever planned on spending.  And in all of it the feeling of "festivity" is brazenly absent. As if the feeling of festivity wasn't aware that we were only this busy in order to obtain a bit of his mirth. Anyway, the business....It's exhausting I think. And I wonder at times if that's why adults hate holidays so much. Of course, they would never say  it (or would they?) but the general attitude would come off to a bystander as "ugh". We went to the festival of lights parade a while back...after  a rushed day with far too many things in it and far too few ...
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Into the Woods

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What a shame it is that we view life as anything but the grand adventure that it is.  I think often we find unhealthy patterns - patterns of thought or habit - and they rob us of joy that can be ours. We move through such a complicated, intricate world with adventure and fascination around every corner, be it in discovering new corners of the world or in discovering something new about our capabilities or our Heavenly Father. May we always find the time and the perspective to be adventurers.
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She Dances

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She dances almost constantly now, to any song that she hears. Sometimes, when there is no music she will sing and dance to herself. Sometimes she will dance to the silence. She dances almost constantly now using her head, her arms, her hips and her legs like they each have a story to tell. She doesn't need to understand the words to the song in order to know how she'd like to dance to it - what she'd like for it to say. She dances almost constantly now, diligently, with a determined look on her brow. And it sounds silly for me to say but there is passion in her sway that I didn't think she was old enough to know. She hasn't learned to eat with her own fingers. She can't say words or understand our intents. She can't even walk or stand without help. But she dances almost constantly now. And the look on her face when she dances is how I want to feel about life. She may not know anything else but she knows she must dance with or without music. So she danc...
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Our Town

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I went to see a play last week and guess what it was? Thornton Wilder’s Our Town. It brought me back to the last time I’d seen that play done - when you and many other of my friends at the time were the stars of the show. As the scenes progressed, I couldn’t help but remember the way you guys had acted them, and the differences between this play and yours. You acted a scene in that play that I’ll never forget. The scene right before your character was about to get married, she spoke with her father and told him that she was afraid and she didn’t want to get married, she wanted to stay with him. Your portrayal of that moment was so strong, it made me want to cry - thinking ahead to when I would have to say goodbye to my family and make that irrevocable change. I think it was at that play that I decided that I wanted to act. That desire morphed over time, if you’d told me back then that the seeds planted on that night would grow into a position directing plays and enabling the dreams...
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Isolation

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I don't mean this to sound dark. I really don't. Read it more in a rainy day sort of voice - where theres a lot of rain and wind outside. But you're inside with a blanket and tea so while you can't really go anywhere you're not really bothered by it either sort of voice. If you read it like that you wont misunderstand me. I have been, for roughly six months now, in state of semi-isolation. I quit my job to stay home with my daughter who, while being perfectly human and whole, does not speak or convey opinions and therefore does not bring with her much of the feeling of being with another human. While, initially, the concept of quitting my job brought with it the promise of doing much more of whatever it is I want to do with my time, I find myself more often doing exactly the opposite. That is, I find myself more often doing absolutely nothing at all. I have put together a number of excuses for this all of which have some validity but not really enough to jus...
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